Tuesday, July 18, 2017

All sought after and stuff.

I had a brief stint of being really popular, then I sort of blew it, and then I wasn't. Well not really.

In all, some good stuff happened and it turned out to be actually rather vexing. A lot of that has to do with my tendency to hate anything unless it's absolutely brilliant and flawless in every way. I exaggerate. Maybe a little. It was also because it was all kind of vexing.

So I'm doing some films again. Student films, shorts, from a one month summer course. I'm doing more than I usually do during a summer month, but fewer than I potentially could have, still more than I thought I would be doing up until yesterday, or the day before maybe.

I seem to have done something brilliant in my initial audition because it impressed a lot of people. I must try that again, whatever it was. I didn't do so well on the couple of follow up readings I had, as I got a 1 out of 3, still, better than nothing. Oh and 2 other people just went ahead and cast me. And someone else was going to then rewrote the part yadda yadda yadda.. long story short I was for about a second really popular. I'm still quite popular, as it is, but not quite as astonishingly so. And, out of all of these films I was considered for and some of which I'm in, only one was for a mother. This is kind of a big deal. Versatility and all that.

Most of the last week I've been waiting for emails from people to tell me if I was available for another time or not, and every time I got an email it was someone else saying hey wanna be in this and fucking off and not emailing again, which again, isn't all that bad, when you really think of it.

In general, it all turned out ok, and I think all the waiting and wondering is over, now it's time to get to work, getting up early and all that, but that's ok because it means acting in stuff and it means money. Oh and lunch. I'm really looking forward to lunch.

Monday, July 10, 2017

so how are they getting on?

who do I speak of? Do I even have to say?

Thursday, July 06, 2017

speaking of kittens..

did someone say kittens?

well, kittens have turned this place into crazy cat house, which I quite enjoy. They seem to get up quite early in the morning, before the drilling and/or hammering starts. Usually first I wake up to Cecily running in and out of the room, meowing in her, "kittens are about" sort of way, and I hear noises of crashing, banging, rustling, running, jumping, etc. Sometimes one of them crawls into the room for a bit.

Then they spend the day alternating between sleeping, running about from one room to another, getting into every nook and cranny, climbing what they can, getting into shoes, playing with toys and whatever they decide to be a toy, which is pretty much everything as their mother tries to keep track of them. Sometimes they let us stroke them, well 2 of them have now decided sometimes I'm their friend, and sometimes they're still afraid of me, and one is still just afraid. And all the time making crashing, banging, rustling.. etc noises.

And sometimes they all snuggle together, like this.

cat family

Wednesday, July 05, 2017

Everywhere, all the time.

I'm so tired of being reminded of all my failures. Failures, rejections, disappointments, all of it. It's just all always there. A place I have to look at, people I see who knows someone who knows this person, words, images, fucking Facebook!

If there were some triumphs to balance it out, it might be bearable, but triumph is something I cannot claim, not realistically. As far as stuff that works out sometimes, there's just not enough of it. Not enough to counter the negatives and not even enough to distract me from the fact that there's all this stuff out there, that I tried and failed at. Or never got the chance to try.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it always being like this, and the only change is more cringeworthy unpleasant memories to add to the long long list of stuff I'd like to avoid for the rest of my life but staying out of the world (easy enough) avoiding nearly everyone I've ever met (also surprisingly doable) and staying off the internet (eeek) is just not possible.

At least there's kitties, riotous crazy kitties in this crazy cat house. They're very distracting, in fact I'm not even thinking about the other thing that has me so worried, whatever it is.

Saturday, July 01, 2017

look! a kitten!

yes, it's a kitten


Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Waiting for a storm.

The forecast says it's coming, and I can feel it. The air is stuffy, then there's a breeze, a couple of raindrops, but it still doesn't come. I wait and wait, put everything on hold, until the inevitable happens but.. I just keep waiting. The atmosphere is heavy, I'm feeling low, lethargic, not knowing whether to wait or go or what to do? 


I mean a literal storm by the way, what you thought it was another clumsy heavy handed overused metaphor? I suppose it could be, it does sort of parallel one's life but really, how often can say the same thing one always says, and in pretty much the same way. And to be honest, I'm beyond caring. I would like to storm to get itself out of its system though, it's freaking the cat out.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

3 kittens..

we have 3 kittens, 2 grey, one black, they all seem to be doing very well, active, playful, starting to eat solid food. Cecily is still not letting us too near, and really, they're a bit cautious about us huge lumbering beasts and don't let us getting too close.

The best picture I've managed to get so far..


 I will get more. *is all determined and stuff*

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Drill drill, hammer hammer, clang clang.

This is what I live with every single day all day! Well most of some of the day most days. Still it's a lot, and it starts early. Every day.

They're fixing up the hallway and the door downstairs and retying or something or rather, or all of them. They come in, do some work here, leave it and do some work there, and go on their way of an evening leaving tiles piled up and rubble in the middle of the landing exactly where you need to step to get down the stairs, buckets and dust and chocolate bar wrappers on the stairs, until such time as they get back to doing that particular job, which seems to be after starting and leaving at least 2 other new jobs, some week or week and a half later. I may not be exact, but it's something like that. The scaffolding they had up in the entrance of the building for a month was actually used the first, second and last day, again, it may not be that exactly, but something like it.

And oh the noise. Did I mention drilling? And hammering, clanging banging, loud conversation right outside our door. It's loud, and it starts early. And we have babies here? Little cat babies who need peace?

It looks/looked like this. It sounds worse, but I probably don't need to subject you with that.