I just made a big change. Thing is, I'm not sure it's going to take, exactly. Time will tell. I made this change, I'd like to say triumphantly but seeing as it's due to me failing at life yet again, I'm not sure I can claim that. Again, time will tell. Yes, yet again I've fucked up, or not so fucked up, fucking up has a kind of art to it, people who are fabulously disastrous, people with great highs and lows, people you notice that have a weird and wonderful if sometimes difficult life. What I've done is just amble along, not being good enough and sinking down to generally just below average in a totally not worth writing home about boring manner. It's what I always do. And here I am. So I tried to take control of the situation, allowing me to keep a tiny semblance of pride. Perhaps it's a bad idea, in fact, I know it's a bad idea, but not doing this is also a bad idea and which one is a worse I have no idea, so I chose to do what I damn well felt like, and I don't know if it worked. I even fucking fail at fucking quitting, how does one manage that? The near future should let me know more of what my greater future will behold, but as for now I have to wait until they let me know.
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Monday, September 26, 2016
And then it stopped. Of course, during the time it was good I was too busy being unhappy about other not good things, or the lack of other good things to appreciate how good it was. Now I do, but I don't have it. It's just typical. It was almost unfair how good a deal I had, for a little while. I mean it's overall fair because as I mentioned earlier on and go on and on about at length, there is a lot that is shitty for me and much lacking, so I reckon for once I deserve a good deal. Well I had it. Maybe not for too long but I had it. Guess that's it for me, that's all the luck dried up. All downhill from here.
Friday, August 26, 2016
It's true. I literally never write anything ever, anymore. This is however, typical of the times. I never do anything anymore, even the stuff I never really did before, at any point. I don't do any acting anymore, not entirely through choice but partially through laziness. I don't take photos anymore, not good ones anyway, and not often. I don't go out anymore, I don't travel anymore I don't even drink anymore. I don't do anything. Do you know what I do do? Well I already told you, it's nothing, but mostly I just work. And watch tv, read stuff on the internet and.. that's about it. I think it's pretty much it for me from now on.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
I sit and listen to the rain fall, and fall, and just go on and on and on as I enjoy the comfort of my home. It's a typical day, or is it? It's a day. It's not a particularly special day, not a terribly bad one but it's just.. just what it is. Life goes on, not terribly awful or anything, with the usual minor annoyances and worries, sometimes the worries are greater, never quite going away and every now and again rising back up to major(ish) trauma status just in case I'm ever in danger of forgetting about them completely and being reasonably comfortable. There are also some nice things, a nicer room, with furniture, and even bed coverings, the temporary visit of our sweet little Cece, but nothing spectacular, actually nothing really good. Never anything to counter the bullshit I'm always forced to face, never something that tells me yes, you will be alright, you are as good as you (when you're in one of your rare arrogant confident moods) think you are. No, just more reinforcement that I do have reason to keep that worry in the back of my mind, to never let it go. Yes, I'm whining. I know I have it better than anywhere between 50 and 80% of the world's population, no famines, no disease none of that bullshit but still, you know, fuck it, I'm not bloody satisfied with my humble lot and the fact I can't seem to be rid of these problems, relatively minor though they are, I'm sick of it, fucking sick of always worrying, always having it reinforced that I should be worrying and nothing on the horizon except for just more of it. So there! Apart from that everything's cool.
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Monday, June 20, 2016
so it's the summer solstice, at least according to google at least in the northern hemisphere at least, well here, the longest day of the year, "midsummer" and the first day of summer.
ok now.. I can accept solstice and midsummer or even the beginning of summer but midsummer and the first day of? Does that not make any sense to anyone but me?? Am I the only one paying any attention around here????
It's all wrong anyway. The solstice is on the 21st. I don't know why I insist on that and it seems to waver around the 20th to the 22nd but I feel it's on the 21st and the 21st it's on. And midsummer is the middle of summer, that is the halfway point between the first day of summer and the last, again, that should be the middle of July. Why? Well glad you asked. I've also decided to just do away with all the confusion and make all the changes on the beginning of the month, keep simple, keep it going by calendar date with well defined borders, so first day of spring is 1st of March, beginning of winter is 1st of December etc, at least in the Northern Hemisphere, which of course is the one which corresponds with those seasons.
Speaking of hemispheres, I may feel this way because of my southern background. I do of course hail from the southern of the hemispheres, and I don't know if it's just because it's done that way there or I never really paid enough attention to realize otherwise, but I remember considering the changes of the season from the beginning of the month, so, 1st of September, it's spring! No waitin around for the middle of the month, we're there already. This could be because of a couple of reasons, one, that I never really paid attention and it's not actually the case, or, coming from a European culture we celebrate holidays that evolved out of NH seasons, so there's not much point in lining up the seasons with those holidays and less reason to start spring or summer in the middle of the damn month. Just speculating really.
Anyway, it's just gone 9:22 and the sun is going down on (one of the ) the longest day of the year, from now on, it's all downhill (unless there's more tomorrow afterall) right up until the deep dark days of December. Hey I just alliterated. Happy Solstice!
Thursday, May 26, 2016
So much has changed since I started writing this blog. Not sure I remember exactly when that was but so much stuff since whenever that was! I mean I live somewhere different, I mean not a different country or a different city or a different part of the city really, but um, flat's a different one. Different relationship, been through a few, different job well I have a job which I don't think I did then or much of the time in between.
That's about it really. Ok so not much has changed. I'm still looking forward to that future time when I'm without the drudgerous worries of ordinary life and I'm actually doing something really cool where I, ok where I have money ok lots of money, relatively. When I actually go places and meet people and achieve things. Still have those to look forward to, all of those.
And things here seem to be the same. Exactly the same. Oh yeah there are some differences but really, exactly the same. People keep being people, dogs bark and trams get in your way. Most of all people can't stop fucking around with their flats! Everywhere I go every place I live, every year every month, all days of the week and times of the day (ok not the middle of the night but 7am areyou kidding me!!!) they're hammering and drilling and sanding and planning but mostly hammering and drilling and yelling in the hall but generally hammering, sometimes softly but just enough for you to notice and often heavily and drilling. Did I mention the drilling. At 7am. Drilling!!!
I need sleep.
Wednesday, May 04, 2016
be with you.
Or should I say B with U? Prince would put it that way, if he were still with us *sobs*... but anyway, here's an appropriate picture for this post/non post.. (hint it references the title and first line in case you're not familiar with what it's about)
Posted by Michelle at 10:18 PM